Friday, 13 June 2014

Introduction and Disclaimer


Lots of (most) people don't get my sense of humour. If I was clever at all I'd change my ways and be more palatable to the masses but I'm not, so I won't. 

I'm too old now and to be honest it's your fault if you don't get it.


I collect belly button fluff

This blog is to detail some of my/our thoughts along the way through Peru (with the missus) and through various countries in Europe (solo on motorcycle). At this stage I have no idea where I'm going to end up in Europe but rather than being unorganised I prefer to just say that I'm keeping it a surprise for myself. I have no mechanical expertise, have never camped before, can't cook, am slightly lacking in sociability and have never travelled solo before, so it should be interesting. I'm also skint and have no job to come back to, so as some sad folk say in IT, "all the boxes are ticked then". (This is where some people would put one of these bloody "lol" things in. Grrr)

Let's get started.

I sell shoes for a living.

This is a lie, but when I meet new people I find selling shoes less dull and less embarrassing than saying I work in IT for a Financial company. I contract myself out to various financial companies and sell my soul to the highest bidder. This is very similar to how a prostitute works. Now that I think about it, recently it's been very similar to what a prostitute receives…

Anyways and this will be a common theme, I digress. We are off to Peru shortly and are in the process of organising the necessary items to take. We already have Typhoid, Hep A, Hep B and best of all, we have Rabies. I can now bite dogs. The list of items to take with us is quite extensive, things like DEET, antiseptic cream, wound dressings, elastoplasts, sutures, bandages, knee and ankle supports, tweezers, imodium, calamine and lots of other stuff. I can understand most of these requirements as we are hiking so much and climbing up to 5-5500 metres but is it really going to be that cold up there that we'll need tweezers?

Unbeknowns to Gina I've been teaching myself Latin American Spanish to help us when we get there. I plan to impress her socks off displaying my newly learned wide range of Espanyol vocabulary and I'm sure the locals will be equally dismayed and impressed at my Glaswegian Peruvian Spanish accent. I need to find out how the Peruvians say "Braw" and "Jings Help ma Boab"

We're leaving the two "bebes" behind in Sunny Scotland and just hoping that the house will be there when we return. The wee fella being 16 is in that fortunate place of knowing absolutely everything so it means we don’t have to leave any instructions when we go. Heather "Feather" my daughter will hopefully keep an eye on the place and restrain him from my beer fridges. The vicious dog will protect them both

Most people have hobbies. In the old days I used to play football (a lot), practice martial arts (a lot) and I was as fit as a fit thing. Nowadays I'm not doing so much and the belly is expanding as fast as I can throw in the beer. This is not good. Watching your belly wobble when you brush your teeth and finding yourself making small noises when you bend over, again is not so good. It's a sign that something has to be done. 

Now, Gina has a million hobbies and frustratingly she's very talented at them too, not like me who substitutes skill for enthusiasm. She spends her time doing lots of activities like yoga, crystal healing, shitzu, tarot, hill-walking, the list goes on. There's not enough time in the day for her. (and I know a shitzu is a small dog).

I on the other hand need to do something about myself as I have no hobbies. I've done the keep fit, skydiving, glacier climbing, skeleton run, fast bikes, fast cars, all that palaver but other than collecting belly button fluff I don't have a hobby that I can perform for the rest of my days. 

I know most of you will now be sneaking a peek under your shirt/blouse to see what's accumulated and you'll also be cursing the fact that you've not been collecting up til now but let me tell you. There's still time. The process is long and slow but eventually if you persevere and NEVER give in, you may be able to fill a cushion or even better a pillow, which is my dream in life.

So, you now know the reasoning for the travel. Spend time with SWMBO for our 25th in Peru. Spend some me time solo in the european mountains or in the Baltics, collect some more fluff and see if I can think of a hobby that I can get involved in that doesn't bore me to tears.

To be continued

Big Thanks

A lot of people who know me know that I have a dodgy spine/neck. I'd like to say big thanks on behalf of myself and Gina, who has had major shoulder trouble, that without Joey the American Chiropractor, who has bizarrely chosen to locate himself in Bathgate of all places, we would not be in any state to climb anything never mind mountains, so many, many thanks. We might do that half marathon with you after all :) 


In Next Post

Somewhere in Europe's roads

In Next Post after Next Post above

Things to do before the event :

  • Buy tent, sleeping bag, sleeping mat, stove, spork, whatever the hell that is, download maps.

  • Learn how to put up tent, learn how to sleep in a cocooned, confined space, learn how to cook and eat from weird shaped implements.